Familia Tenebrae Amor/FTA fiction/apologia

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Apologia Daemonica

(a partial origin story for Witcharc, of Familia Tenebrae Amor)

Witcharc? *low, dark laugh, wedding bells and razor blades*. A...convenient tag, a pin through the spine of a bug, to differentiate it from all the other bugs on the board. A holdover from when they thought this body contained no more than a fractured human mind. I'm always...amused...by mortal attempts to attach short, easy labels to complex phenomena. Must be a result of their short lifespans...or poor concentration...

I have carried other mortal labels throught my long existence: demon, murderer, temptress, harlot, liar, traitor...some of them are even true. But they are no more me than I am you, or we are ants.

I am Kushaya ella edun-Ashmodei, Fourth of House Ashmodei, the House of the Lawgivers. In terms of your most modern mythologies, I am an angel.

A FALLEN angel...

Our Sire, Ashmodan-tal, is now held up as an icon of evil, to humans, at least. But once, he was the Voice of the Law, and sood before the Thrones of Creation and, above and along with us, sang the Chants that bound us together as a people. Honor he- and we- had above all others, save Elohim Adonai and his brother Lucifer.

It was Ashmodan-tal, too, who found the flaw in the Law: that its very perfection eliminated all choice, and thus all real chance of joy. We were content, yes, and happy, after a fashion. But he learned that, without choice and the risk of pain, true love, and thus true joy, would be forever out of our reach. We would be trapped, in perfect, icy stasis...forever. This thought disturbed us of House Ashmodei: what of the mortal childraces to come? Could we in conscience bind them so, without even the perspective to know the reasons we denied them what they would never know they were missing?

Ashmodan-tal stood before the Thrones, and pled our case. He put forth all his power and reason to convince the Adonei that the Law must be changed, loosened, to allow those to come the freedom to be joyous, rather than merely content. For reasons forever known only to himself, Elohim Adonai closed his ears and heart, and would not listen. The Law would stand, unchanged.

But not so his brother. Lucifer Adonai listened, and heard. And stood, and made the First Choice; Chose, and spoke for the first time in my memory, spoke the terrible Words that sundered us forever, created two races, two philosophies, two Laws, where all before had been one.

And so the fall. And endless ages of war.

This we did for you, the aftercomers, the mortals. We are the Guardians of your Choice, and the Guides to where the Choice must be made. We allow you your loves, your hates, all that makes you more than statues in the garden of existence.

And for this, we are reviled, for you will not learn the Truth of the Law.

"Do as thou wilt" is PART of the law...but Crowley, foolish in pride and perceived wisdom, would not heed the rest.

HEAR NOW A TRUTH: THE WHOLE OF THE LAW: "Do as thou wilt, IF it be done in love; Choose, and embrace the pain that follows."

So many of you want the freedom without the choice, and reject the pain, and blame us for it.

True, the endless war has made many of us exactly what you call us: Little better than brutes, gathering and hoarding power in the dark places, perverting or even IGNORING the Law for our own ends. Ask yourself this, and learn another Truth: are the Celestials so different? Reread your histories- rape, children devoured, cities blotted from the Earth, pogroms, Inquisitions...all in the name of their version of the Law.

I was once such as you think of us and fear, a Hunter for the Hell lords, binding powerful mortal souls to the service of the shadow. And so these labels will I accept: demon, of course. Muderer- seldom, for I generally fight only those who can fight for themselves. Killer, then, times beyond number. And Harlot, seducer, temptress...often, and with great joy.

Liar I will not own, for House Ashmodei does not...CANNOT...lie. But beware that the truth you hear is the one we speak...

Traitor...I have worn this label in times past, though it fit me ill. All those I bound, I told in advance what I was about. So they were complicit in their fall, through greed, lust, what have you.

Then I met Marci.

Marci Raver, broken little madling mortal girl, destroyed by one of your own who does not know the Law...and yet, a being of such joy and delight in life and death that she herself is a near-perfect embodiment of the Law. She needs take but one more step to become complete...

Marci knows the Genesis of our meeting. She knows its Alpha, and its intended Omega. And she knows that, for the first time in an endless life, I failed in my set task.

No. I did not fail. I repented of it. I would not break her joy to the service of fools who have forgotten what we fought for, what we FELL for. Those who were my lords now name me traitor...but I have Chosen under the Law, and will not take that name to myself. Marci reminded me of what I had been, what I WAS, what we ALL were. And more, she led me to a secret so great I dare not name it, save to remind you of the words of one of your Prophets:

"Behold, I tell you a Mystery! We shall NOT all sleep, but we shall all be changed..."

For her current power and strength, "heroes" and "villains" both would seek to imprison or slay her, so to make their names. For the greater secret she holds, Heaven and Hell would both bind her. I am a mere...impediment, one to be gladly removed.

It matters not. I will not, I CANNOT be moved. I have Chosen my Love, and will stand between her and all of Creation, for eternity if need be, that she may learn the last of the Law, and be whole. And I will dance with my pain like a lover...

Call me what you will, LABEL me what you will. I know who I am, what I have been...and some part of what I will someday be. Can you, or those who dare sit in judgement, say the same?
Kushaya by Niekitty (used with permission)
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