From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
'The WiFi Stealing Warshade of Galaxy City'
SO IM LIKE HAIWORLD WITH THREADID
VISIBLE THREADID "SEZ: HELLO WORLD!" IZ OK? WIN! OOPS TL;DR
Internet Prawn. Internet 'cause I've got WiFi and EVDO and Ethernet built in. Prawn 'cause those are giant shrimp, and I kinda look like a giant shrimp when I'm not a robot. No, seriously. I do. Wanna see? It's all kinds of cool tentacles and stuff. Hey, don't run away!
They gave this.. thing? A hero license?!
Yep. They did. Didn't have much choice. Prawn is not the smartest Warshade in the city. Or on the block. Or even in the building. In fact, he's an idiot. Plain and simple. This would not be such a problem except for his.. enthusiasm. And the fact that the person who owned the robot - until he "tripped" and "got stuck" in it - had already licensed the chassis as a remote control Hero robot as part of a pilot program.
Yes, they've tried to get him out. Gods have they tried to get him out. Nothing to date, has worked. So they turned him loose on the criminals that plague Paragon City, under the assumption that if he was this annoying to the good guys, the bad guys would jump off of roofs to escape him.
Terrifyingly, their guess was correct. The sight of the 4' tall black and red robot dancing down the street sends Hellions scurrying for the nearest alley. The Skulls have actually started supergluing their masks to their faces as protection from his treatment. The Zig has an entire wall now dedicated as "Prawn's Happy Phun Time Photoshop Gallery," featuring the faces of villains he's arrested pasted onto images that can only be described as "very explicit."
That.. doesn't sound very hero like.
It's not. Neither is Prawn. He'd rather be screaming the lyrics to Weird Al's "Eat It" on top of the statue of Atlas, while downloading another two terabytes of porn. We've TRIED to get him to shape up, but he just won't listen!
And then that kid down the street went and overclocked him.. oh GOD, OH GOD! *breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably*
You're kidding, right? Would you want to be around this .. this .. lunatic?!
Actually, wait. That's right. Apparently some group called The Inappropriates took him in. If you'd like, I can call you when they put the wreckage of their base up for sale?
Wait, wait, that's... so not Warshades are. They're trying to reform!
No. OTHER Warshades are reforming, because they need to, because they have done horrible terrible things.
Prawn does not need to reform. As far as we can tell, he's so horrible, he was kicked out. They got rid of him as fast as they could. The robot was his first "bonding" and he screwed even that up.
But if you do figure out some way to convince Prawn to reform, OH GOD PLEASE! HURRY!
Internet Sites Owned and Operated By Internet Prawn
DISCLAIMER: These are not real sites. Nobody in their right mind would host them.
This site resembles "HamsterDance" in that it consists of a page of animated GIFs, which are Prawn in his various forms done as 8 and 16 bit sprites, doing absurd dances. It also plays an annoying chip tune. Images randomly link to random sites, but never anything inappropriate. There is also a Links page that goes to Internet Prawn's other sites.
Prawn’s blog, video hosting, and Twitter account. About 50% gibberish and nonsense, 25% song lyrics, 20% “arrested a X by Horribly Inappropriate And Illegal Method,” and 5% links that can only be defined as merely NSFW if you’re blind.
This site displays only a large graphic of a pair of goggles. Clicking the image takes you to a random site or image which is guaranteed to be horribly offensive, such as Goatse. Except that every tenth hit gets a picture of a fluffy kitten and every 42nd hit gets a picture of ducklings. This site currently records an average of 500,000 unique visitors per day.
Hentaicles.net / TentFlix.com
Currently the world's largest porn site by subscribers, bandwidth, volume and data. The site currently advertises having "over fifteen Petabytes with a P for Porn." In May 2010, Prawn launched TentFlix.com which delivers Blu-Ray porn to your door by mail, much like NetFlix. Except it's porn. Revenues are estimated to be in excess of $250M per year by sheer volume alone. An experimental streaming service was launched in October of 2010, which promptly failed due to numerous issues with quality and bandwidth.
Internet Prawn is quite proud of having over 200 restraining orders taken out against him, being classified as a "public menace," and being banned from being within 100 yards of City Hall. The reason for the ban on City Hall is his constant campaign of "lulz" against various officials.
The City Planner
This poor woman has suffered two nervous breakdowns at the hands? Tentacles? Of Prawn. His pranks have ranged from rearranging the furniture and switching the direction in which the doors opened to somehow getting an entire marching band into City Hall to serenade her with. Every single incident has been recorded and posted on YouTube from Prawn's viewpoint.
Prawn's campaign against the mayor borders on the obscene. He has frequently stolen the mayor's chair and relocated it to insane places, including the top of the Atlas statue, the top of City Hall, and hanging it from the side of a building. The YouTube video showing all 212 "LOLCAT ART INSTALLATIONS" in the Mayor's office has over 2 million views. The top rated comment is: "I CAN HAS BRIBE? lolol so tru." Metal plating has been installed under the floor in the mayor's office, due to Prawn gaining entry via tunneling no less than 20 times.
Prawn has strung up no less than 50 different items on the flagpole, the most frequent of which being people's underwear. Followed by people - usually Skulls or Hellions - with notes taped to them that read only "I'M BATMAN. Love, Prawn." As a result of the constant abuse, the flagpole was replaced in 2007 with a much stronger one. Heroes and police are instructed to arrest Prawn on sight if they see him within ten feet of the flagpole.
Statue of Atlas
Prawn has on four occasions, completely covered the statue with colored paper - usually post-it notes. While technically not illegal despite a lack of permission, Prawn often adds his own inappropriate elements to it. He has so far turned the globe into a smiley face, given Atlas pink speedos, put poorly drawn pornography on the globe, and gave Atlas a bikini and speedos plus turning the globe into a beach ball. The art community has argued very strongly to permit Prawn to continue, helped by the fact that Prawn has been careful to not damage the statue. However, he completely ignores the request that he ask permission before doing so.
The Prawn Signal
At some unknown point, Prawn managed to install three high powered search lights in Steel Canyon. Each was affixed with "The Prawn Signal" which literally amounted to a silhouette of, well, you can guess what. Suffice to say, people were extremely displeased when these lit up the night sky with graphic images, and all were very quickly shut down. Prawn has since attempted to hijack or deploy search lights in other parts of the city, with various other 'Prawn Signals' including one that was the words "PRAWN IS BATMAN," the Batman symbol with - well - graphic additions, a 'hypnospiral(TM),' The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, and for reasons best left unexplained, the Futurama 'crashing ship' image. None have lasted more than 20 minutes before being removed or shut down.