Winsome Blue/Running

From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe

[10/31/07]

The sun hadn't risen yet but Blue could no longer sleep. She'd been laying in the bed for the last hour, her head turned and staring out the window. Her fingers ran gently through Don's hair while he slept, though her mind was occupied so it barely registered she was doing so.

His nightmare still bothered her. Oh she believed that, no, he wasn't afraid of her but there was still this nagging fear.

And it pulled hard.

It hit at something she'd already been thinking about... worrying about.

She could hurt him.

Physically.

She could hurt and kill him in a heartbeat. Wasn't it bad enough that her mind was capable? Did it have to be that in shifted form she could too?

It didn't seem fair and right now she was in turmoil.

In the darkened room she turned her head and kissed Don's forehead. He was mumbling yet again in his sleep and for a moment a smile crossed his fiance's face. That habit was just one of the things she loved about him.

Quickly and quietly she slipped out of his arms to stand beside the bed. Her head tilted she watched him, wanting to crawl back in... wanting to wake him so that he could once again make her feel not so different... make her feel that this side of her that squirmed inside her and sneaked out was okay...

.. but she didn't.

Instead she turned and went to the window. Her hand pressed to the glass as she put her forehead to it. It felt cold and she shivered a little. She was still dressed only in the body paint. Except for shifted form this was the only time Don had seen her naked body.

People made jokes, taunted her, teased her and tempted her constantly with sexual innuendos and reminders and flat out offers. They didn't know this side of her that was reserved out of respect for Giovanni Giordano, out of respect for the man she planned to marry. Of course she couldn't blame them. She knew what she'd been before and to be honest she enjoyed some of their words... most of the time. They didn't know her but she did and he did and that's all that mattered. Let them think of her what they would.

Quietly she lifted the window and climbed out, hovering just outside. The chilly air caused goosebumps to form on her naked flesh. Her response was to wrap her arms around her chest, her breasts having felt the affect of the cold as well. She could see her breath and once again she considered heading back in to the warmth of Don's arms. Eyes turned and she lingered on the slim outline of him in the bed. A soft sound almost like a sob escaped and she turned away abruptly to fly.

Fly she did.

She flew away.

Arms wrapped tight around herself she flew from the island where he lived, where they both would live soon, and headed for somewhere... anywhere.

Glancing down as she flew she knew that all kinds of horrors were going on below. This was a horrible place. Yet it was her place, the place where she belonged.

After all... she was a monster.

-It was hours later when she dropped to the ground, exhausted but fueled by emotions that ate at her. As her feet touched the ground her body shifted and her feral form took over.

The scenery was that of a forest but she barely noticed. Trees whipped at her face and body but her thicker hide didn't feel a thing. She ran, tears falling... growling at every moving thing whether it was another animal or merely the wind.

She embraced what she was... that creature, that monster she couldn't help but feel she was... and ran.

Eventually in her exhaustion caught up with her and she stumbled, tripping forward. Her shoulder slammed into a tree and she rolled, landing on her back to stare up at the sky. Her breathing was ragged, she was panting.

Closing her eyes she didn't want to move. So instead she screamed, putting into that scream every emotion she felt at that moment. It echoed, bouncing back to her ears from all directions as if the woods themselves were screaming with her.

"Why ME! Why! FENRIR! Damn it.. I don't want to hurt him!" The words came out in growlish bursts, her eyes opening as she rose to her feet. Calling out to the only thing she knew beyond herself to have pushed her into this... had insisted she not fight the animalistic side of herself. Whatever she was, he seemed the only thing to call on now.

Dropping to her knees she put her hands on the ground, head down in supplication.

Her next words were quiet, barely audible. She knew, however, that if he was listening that she'd have no need to yell anymore.

"Please... help me... I'm scared."

She stayed in the same position for hours, her body cramping and the need to relieve herself becoming painful. Yet she held the position. Supplication. Even when her body shook she didn't move. Every so often she'd repeat the same phrase.

"Please... help me... I'm scared."

The forest birds began to sing in chirps and whistles as the bushes in front of her part to reveal a small boy dressed in a white fur kilt boots and what looks to be plastic Halloween armor. His hair is long and white and his eyes a dazzling crystal blue. Slowly he strolls up to her and holds out what looks to be a plastic Halloween axe.

"Hello pretty lady what are you doing here???? You hurt??? Did some bad monster hurt you??? Come on lady whats wrong?"

Blue lifted her head. Her eyes were unfocused and her head began to pound as the blood began to flow once again after her hours of stillness.

She sat sat back into a kneeling position. Every movement sent pain cascading through her body and she grimaced.

It took a few minutes before her eyes focused enough for her to look confusedly at the boy in front of her. This wasn't what she'd come out here to find! Part of her wanted to growl and to make him leave. Her eyes looked this way and that, wondering where he'd come from.

Finally her eyes went back to him and her heart registered that it was a boy and he'd spoken to her. When she spoke it was obvious in her voice that she was trying to hide her desperation.

"I was hoping to find someone to help me. I didn't know anyone was out here.." She paused and looked into his eyes. "I'm the only monster around here." Her head went down, her eyes closing. "At least.. I feel like.. I don't know.. I.. " Shaking her head she takes a deep breath. "You should go. Right now.. I'm not the person to be around."

Her eyes staying closed she began to growl softly.

The little boy smirked and as he looked her over it seemed he meant to be here at this time and acted as if he owned the forest.

"You are no monster lady, you do seem like you need to go to the bathroom though." He smiled as he walked over flopping down next to her and leaning his toy axe against a tree.

He turned his head to look at her his shock blue eyes seeming to hold deep knowledge even though his age only seemed to be around 11. "It's okay lady, go over there and go pottie, I will wait, you seem to need someone to talk to, and all I got to do right now is sit and eat my candy". Seemingly out of nowhere a bag of Halloween candy appeared. Digging into it he grabbed out a Milky Way and opening it he takes a huge bite.

"Really lady......." He chews. "....Go ahead I think we need to talk."

Blue lifted her head again, her growling stopping.

Without a word she pushed herself up to stand on wobbling legs and stumbled a little into the woods. She stepped behind a small tree and relieved herself. A little gasp escaped as the pain of holding it subsided with every drop of liquid that came out of her and splashed to the forest floor.

Since she had no clothing on it wasn't very long before she was making her way back.

Pausing she leaned against a tree, watching the boy eat his candy. This still didn't seem right but he was the only thing, only person or creature, to have responded to her plea.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, got her bearings, and then stumbled a bit more to where she could drop to the ground once again beside him. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees.

Turning to look at him with confused and sad eyes she said quietly. "There's a part of me... that might not be a monster but it could be one. There's a part of me that craves the hunt and to just give in to that lioness that wants to get out." She sighs. "I don't let it out. Not often. And sure as hell not full force. Not even alone. It scares me what I could do and I'm afraid it scares him too. Even if he doesn't know it... there might come a day he gets a reason to be scared of me because I go to far." Her head lifts and she stares off into the woods. "Sometimes I wanna let go but I can't. I wanna let go with him but one wrong move and I could kill him."

A few tears escape, rolling down her cheeks. Hugging her legs tighter her mind drifts to Don.

Even scared to go back that's all she wanted right now--- to be in his arms and to hear him tell her he loved her.

Finishing his Milky Way and retrieving another treat from the bag he listens as she talks then shakes his head and sighs.

"Boy lady you have a lot of worries, and none of them have any real ground to stand on." The boy mumbled over what seemed to be a mouth full of goobers, his tone making him almost seem obstinate. "You say you may be a monster but maybe not, you say you are afraid of goin' too far but don't know if ya will, you say you may hurt him but you ain't sure, you say he may be afraid of you but you don't know, boy lady you got a lot of things that really mean nothin". Smirking the run on in his words evident, his obstinacy still there. "Sounds like to me you are just a big coward, and that you really don't know what a monster is, and you really don't know if you love whoever, and you really should just forget all your problems and say to heck with it and let go".

It is obvious the boy is being a smart ass and he knows it, his crystal blue eyes flashing contempt as he looks at her. "Damn lady just grow up, you always talk big, but really you are just a scared little girl".

Chuckling he shakes his head and looks at her as if to say "What ya got to say to that Hmmmmm?" Finally he speaks again, "Lady you got a lot to learn that's for sure."

She stared at him, her mouth partially open. For a moment she was in shock at his words.

How dare he? Even if her worries seemed to the outsider to be meaningless, to HER they were legitimate. And to question her love for Don?! The fur on her body rose and she began to growl. Her words mixed with the growl and she narrowed her eyes.

"Don't presume that you know me!"

Yet his words struck her heart like a hammer cracking open a walnut.

Why was she so angry? And was she a coward?

The sound of her growling echoed as she stared at the boy. Yes.. she'd run. She'd run instead of facing things head on. Like a coward.

As for loving Don... she did. With her whole heart. There was no question of that!

"I am scared, I'm not pretending otherwise. But I sure as hell am no little girl. And I've seen monsters!"

Opening her mouth her teeth baring, she continued to growl.

"How dare you!"

He looked at her as if she was something like a kitten, he showed no fear and even began to snicker.

"How dare I you ask, believe me lady I have seen things that make you look like a common house cat, and believe me I see more than you know".

Again he reached into his bag producing another treat and began munching on it.

"Go on have your little tantrum and hide from the truth. Hide from what you are, hide from what you could be." he begins to snicker again shaking his head "Let me know when you are done with all the hackle raising and feeling sorry for yourself, and then we can get down to business."

Again his contempt was enormous, and the sarcasm dripped from his tongue like venom as he challenged her with every word he spoke.

"You got all this stuff in your life, you got love, friends, strength, yet you can't see past the end of your nose. You don't love your man, you don't even want to marry him really, He is just like everything else, an excuse to feel bad."

Chuckling he tossed a sucker at her feet.

"Try that it works better than sucking on your thumb."

Her eyes went to the sucker as it rolled to a stop in front of her. Everything seemed to move in slow motion and she sat back, deflated. All growling and all snarling stopped.

There was nothing but the sound of the trees and the lingering hint of his words.

Taking a few slow deep breaths she reached out and picked up the piece of candy. It felt heavy. She let it rest in her palm as she stared at it.

She'd overreacted. She'd been cowardly. She was a child.

Her next thought caused her to hurl the sucker at the boy, sending it hard into the dirt at his feet. Lifting her head so that their eyes could meet she spoke clearly and deliberately.

"You may be right about some things but you're not right about what I feel for him. I may have made some mistakes... but that does NOT mean my love is false."

With a wince she changed form, once again becoming a woman.

"If you know everything you smartass, then tell me.. what should I do now?"

The boy chuckled and picked up the candy putting it back in the bag, and turned to look at her his blue eyes flashing like fire

"What you have done wrong you say, You do not know?" His sarcasm evident."You fear, you hide, you dismiss, you deny. You are no better than any other of these specks on this planet, I don't know why I bother.

The boy turns and standing he walks towards her eying her naked body.

"You are an animal, you are also human, you deny one and wonder why the other is weak". He continues to advance seeming to Grow in size becoming massive, bigger than anything she has ever seen "You pine for others yet you do not watch out for yourself, you care for everyone but not yourself, and you throw yourself in front of everyone to only hide the coward you are inside!"

With his last words he is upon her only he is no longer a child but a giant white wolf. His claws are like swords his fangs like jagged spears. Without warning he grabs her in his hand totally, his grip crushing, his claws cutting, his blue eyes like fire as he brings her to his face.

His voice is no longer a child's but a deep rumbling thunder, "You are weak, scared, and timid. You could be strong, brave and noble." She can smell his breath and it can only be what hell must smell like. "I waste my time here, perhaps I should end your life here and now and save you further pain."

His jaws open and there is eternal death there for he is no boy but Fenrir the white, Bane of the Norse gods, Brother of Thor, and eater of souls, and in his mouth is death, the death of a soul, Blue's soul.

She watches and listens and nods at some of his words. The truth is in there somewhere.

But when he begins to get bigger she backs away a little, scooting across the forest floor. Her eyes widen when she realizes just who it is and her breathing stops.

Fear. Real fear catches her when he grips her tight and holds her to him.

What struggling she tries is useless but it doesn't stop her from trying.

It hurts.. his claws..

"It's not a waste of time! You don't need to kill me! I'll fix it! Give me another chance."

She knew it sounded like begging but she meant it. Dying was not on her agenda. His words she didn't agree totally but there had to be some truths to them. If she wasn't going to be given time to figure it out then why bother telling her? Closing her eyes she went limp, no longer fighting. Tears fall but she tries to choke them back... despite the pain.

However her countenance was that of someone very determined.

"Do what you will, Fenrir, but know that I will prove you wrong, should you give me the chance. Send me back. Let me show you what I can be."

In her mind she lets out a few short words to float on the breeze. I shall be what I was meant to be... if I'm allowed to live.

His massive jaws snap shut inches from her head, that would have been like biting a grape from the vine to him and he lifts her to gaze at her with one eye of blue fire. "You think you deserve to live, to live with the gifts you have, to accept them as a part of you to make you whole, and to never fear them no matter what?" He looks at her not waiting for her answer but continues. "You have seen death, and no one nor no thing can save you again from my jaws. I will give you this chance, but disappoint me again and you will have no more chances!"

His great fangs only millimeters from her face,his voice thunder, "THERE WILL BE NOWHERE THAT YOU CAN HIDE FROM ME !!!"

With speed unimaginable he turns and throws her through the limbs of the trees up out of the forest and towards the isles the echo of his words following her with a howl that could turn her hair white. "NOWHERE TO HIDE!!!!!!"

She jumped. As much as she could jump while trapped in his claws when his jaws snapped shut.

There was no chance for her to respond, not even a moment before she was being hurled through the air. Her speed was too quick and it was so disorienting that she was unable to fly. It felt horrible to be out of balance, to see things fly past you without the ability to grab at it.. to stop you. Finally, though, something stopped her.

The side of a building. And that sure as hell hurt.

It didn't knock her out, her speed having slowed down tremendously before impact, but the pain was intense. She hit with a thud and slid down with a groan. Laying there naked at the feet of Longbow, she was groggy. Trying to push herself up she failed, only to find a laying position that just didn't hurt as much as the other positions.

The Longbow watched her, glancing between themselves and snickering.

An injured, naked woman just fell from the sky!

They stepped towards her but didn't snicker long before someone with a beef against the corrupt organization came flying by to nail them. A little bit of a firefight and all of them were down, leaving just the woman who'd done the killing and Blue.

A rough voice with a hint of an accent spoke next to Blue's ear.

"You look unwell. I do not believe another would be kind, should they find you. Allow me to help you out of here?" The woman scooped the broken and battered body up and nodded as she was told the address of where to go.

Blue rested her head against the unknown woman's shoulder. It hurt but she was alive. The armor the woman wore was cold against her bare skin, causing her to shiver slightly.

Her arms full, the woman knocked with her foot until someone opened the door. It was Licia. Her eyes went wide and she gasped at the sight of Blue. White hair with cuts and bruises that covered her body from the tree limbs, Fenrir's claws and from the building she'd slammed into.

"What happened? What the hell happened?!" That was the only question the girls in the house kept repeating as they beckoned the pair in. Setting her armload down onto one of the beds the Mistress of Ice could only tell them, "I believe this is yours. Wish her well for me." .

Blue herself didn't answer. She was quiet, not saying a word. Her eyes went to her rescuer and she nodded, the expression of gratitude obvious. The woman nodded in return and turned, leaving without leaving her name or anything. The others didn't notice, focusing instead on looking over and doctoring Blue's wounds.

Not being able to sleep, Blue lay there. She kept to herself, thinking. Eventually she got up and began to move about the house... and by the time Friday came she spoke.

Her first words were, "Tomorrow, I'm going home."