The Circle of Jerks
From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
The Circle of Jerks, by Dr. Meenen
| The Circle of Jerks | |
| Founder: CEO of Earth | |
| Basics | |
| Side: | Heroes. Sort of. |
|---|---|
| Motto: | Making the world a better place, one savage beating at a time. |
| Leader(s): | CEO of Earth |
| Logo: | Tragicomic |
| Group Colours: | Blinking Green & Purple |
| Playerbase | |
| Levels: | All |
| Play style: | None |
| Roleplay: | Tee Hee |
| Timezone(s): | All the good ones |
| Recruiting: | Awesome |
| Contact: | Any Jerk |
| No additional information available. | |
Contents |
Summary
The Circle of Jerks consists of some of the most hated and reviled characters on the Virtue server. They consistently and flagrantly commit the crime of failing to take the whole "pretending to be superheroes on the internet" gig very seriously. It is, apparently, very hard to have a satisfying lesbian vampire threesome in the Pocket D while an inside out woman, a boiled shrimp, zombie Jesus and the CEO of Earth are watching you and eating finger sandwiches.
They do, however, take the "not taking things very seriously" thing very seriously. Which is very hard to do, especially after a few drinks.
Other acts of alleged griefing have taken the form of the Running of the Bulls, wherein the Jerks dressed up as cows and charged through the streets of the city, and hosting games of Hollywood Squares, wherein a grid of nine Jerks with X's or O's on their chest hovered in mid-air and poorly answered questions posed by an audience composed of newbie heroes medivac'd from the Hollows. Such things, we are assured, are the very height of villainy.
Despite the immense hatred and disdain shown towards their antics, many of Paragon City's top heroes claim to be avid fans of the Jerks. However, very few of these heroes bother to show any meaningful support, at the risk of looking awesome.
Also
During the first Rikti invasion The Circle of Jerks secretly made sure that all but a handful of the city's children and domesticated pets were kept safe in a bunker deep underground.
What? Really? Did you leave them food?
Kids and pets need food? Oh, crap.
...awkward.
Stop abusing the heading tag.
Sorry.
It's OK.
Seriously though.
The group was previously known as the "League of Incredible Bastards," though this was retconned by ninnies with a misguided sense of what constitutes profanity. The "Circle of Jerks" name has persisted by virtue of the fact that, while arguably more offensive, it can only be interpreted as dirty if you have a dirty mind to begin with.
Another Side, Another Story
Rumor has it that the Jerks have connections with the Rogue Isle mafia syndicate Legitimate Businessmen, or that they at least buy their suits from the same place.
Same Side, Same Story
In the interests of preserving the history of the Circle of Jerks, so as to inspire future generations to dress in bright clothing and not take things seriously, several of the Jerks hired some guy off the street to compose a series of historical records detailing the group's history and origins.
Shortly after their release, said historical records came under fire for not containing any dead family members, tragic mutations, societal alienation or anything which might be found in a typical superhero origin story, which lead many to believe that they cannot, in fact, be true. Such criticisms quickly ended once some of the critics in question were reassigned to work on Mars. Funny coincidence, that.
The CrU
Corporate Branch
Church Branch
The CoJ has played host to the Second Coming of Christ. Also, the Third through Thirteenth Comings. The chronology and nature of these comings has become increasingly muddled, though it is promised to be resolved in the upcoming story arc, Crisis on Infinite Jesii.
- Jesus Almighty
- Jumping Jesus (Inactive, but promises to return. Again.)
- Mecha Messiah
Culture Branch
- Apple Day - appleology
- Captain Concussion - business communications
- Dr. Science - science
- Doctor Otaku - nerdology
- Inazuma Blast - demolitions
- Inside Out Girl - anatomy
- The Living Failure - social work
- LoveBot6500 - sexual education
- Male Man - sociology
- The Mecha-Luddite - socioeconomics
- Mugetsede - burritology
- One More Hit - chemistry
- Polar Panda - zoology
- The PowerLeveler - agriculture
- Professor Robot - pwnzology
- Sellout Girl - Asian studies
- The Magnificent Swirly - pedagogy
- The Taffer/Shining Shank - surgery
- Tiny Activist - recreational botany
People Named Monicker Oblivious Branch
Foreign Brunch
- Borkenfaust
- Dote Up A Cat
- Hobo From Space
- Icebeard
- Iris Quinn
- The Lost RO Knight
- Powered Shaft
- Vortex Knight/Absolute
Kusoyaro High
Founded in May of 2005, Kusoyarou High School was built as a gesture of goodwill on behalf of the Jerks, providing Paragon City with what might have been the first center for the primary education of young heroes since God knows when. Accusations flew over how this was a calculated PR move on the Circle of Jerks' part, but were quickly silenced after the accusers found themselves relocated to branch offices on the moon and Venus.
Years later, Kusoyaro High has yet to be bombed into rubble by disgruntled drop-outs or alien invaders, continuing to provide the next generation of heroes with the best schooling the Jerks can be bothered to offer.
Alumni
- Ex-tan - Voted "most attractive"
- Hamidon-tan - Voted "most likely to have disconcerting fanart of her on the Internet"
- Loli-tan - Voted "most likely to suffer crippling head injury and not notice"
- Male-tan - Voted "most likely to have abnormally high levels of testosterone"
- Shai-tan - Voted "most likely to go to law school"
- Vort-tan - Voted "most megalomaniacal"
Recurring Enemies
- CEO of Bizarro Earth
- Homeless People
- The Smurfs
R.I.P.
This Jerkfest is a stub. Jerks can add to its growth by adding some wankery.
