Legitimate Businessmen

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Surveilance photo of the first appearance of the so-called "legitimate businessmen."
The first sightings of the entirely legal and totally legitimate business venture known as the Legitimate Businessmen, LLC came in May of 2005, though if other villain groups are any indication its history stretches back to the beginning of civilization and its influence is felt globally, despite operating out of a single archipelago whose locals harass a single major east coast city. It's kind of hard to tell, but take our word for it.

During that month (May '05, if you forgot after that lengthy digression), many of Paragon City's catgirls were holding a celebration of unknown purpose and origin in the Paragon Dance Party, hiring a White Dwarf as a bouncer to keep riff-raff out. Several hours into it, however, a bevy of men and women in sharp-looking suits with descriptions matching members of The Circle of Jerks made an appearance, sending the Dwarf into epileptic fits with a technique they referred to as the "Care Bear Stare" before infiltrating the party. They then proceeded to engage in overt acts of racketeering and extortion, demanding "insurance money" in exchange for the well-being of the partygoers. Their reign of terror continued into the night, as the attendees forgot about their collective ability to fend off special ops soldiers, undead and assorted angry gods and struggled to deal with the horrors of organized crime.

After the presence of (and access to) the Rogue Isles was retconned into existence, rumors of secret meetings between members of the Jerks and various unaffiliated criminals and ne'er-do-wells began circulating, located on docks everyone else used for secret meetings. Shortly after these rumors surfaced, a company by the name of Legitimate Businessmen made its presence known in the Rogue Isles, bringing into its fold various eccentrics, weirdos and other assorted less-than-legal individuals that other, more serious and less hip organizations overlooked. Their agenda is still unknown, but judging from the reactions from other villainous organizations, their plans must be so malevolently insidious (and/or insidiously malevolent) as to unnerve even the most hardened criminals.


While the group's official leader is a man named Mr. Sharkey, many assume the real leader is actually the CEO of Earth due to the controversial alliance with The Circle of Jerks.

The Winch

The Legitimate Businessmen worship and fight in the name of a holy object known only as The Winch. The Winch is, in fact, a gigantic rusted winch which always sits somewhere prominent in their base.

During the Statesman's Strike event, in which Statesman and many other top heroes assaulted the Rogue Isles, the Legitimate Businessmen gathered up and charged Statesman during one of his calculated retreats, hoping to catch him off-guard and gain some bragging rights over their fellow villains. Annoyed, Statesman uprooted a nearby winch and hurled it at the group, killing several Businessmen and knocking out the rest.

While nobody involved in the event remembers this incident, it is confirmed by a salesman who sold them the very winch that Statesman used. It has since been accepted as truth.

The Moon Kingdom

Recently it has been discovered that several of the Jerks and Businessmen are in fact the last remnants of an apparently ancient civilization. The Moon Kingdom's council of sages consisting of Professor Robot, Wikipedia, and TheProctologist searches desperately for the prophesied Moon Warrior to mate with Derby from the Deep and then slay her offspring in a strange and almost pointless ritual. So far they have failed miserably finding only a Moon Wizard, prophesied to mate with Derby and birth the Rikti, and a Moon Bard, prophesied to desperately try and mate with Derby but to fail miserably and/or be eaten. And so they continue their search. Such is the prophecy.

Serious Businessmen


Human Resources


Middle Management

Public Relations

Information Technology

The Four Horsemen

They existed since time began, and are rumored to reappear when the Legitimate Businessman face their darkest hour. Each holds absolute control over one scourge of humanity:

This legitimate article is a stub. Businessmen can add to its legitimacy by writing some more information in here.

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